So the Hellsing's were consistently uncreative in their methods.
[There's a long pause, and then he lets out another long, low sigh.]
You should understand better than anyone why it isn't easy for me to abandon my obligations to God and the Church. I've spent my life taking instruction from the Church; you've spent a considerable amount of it taking instruction from Hellsing, and I've not spent more than ten minutes in a vampires presence - except yours and Miss Victoria - without killing it as a consequence. But believe me, I am trying here.
Well, the torture was pretty creative, but it's not something that's fun to relive. Arthur was a womanizer with no time for creativity. He used all he had making Walter what he was.
[ he doesn't expect what anderson says next, and he's quiet a moment in response to it because he doesn't know what to say. when he does answer, his tone is even. ]
I do understand. And trust me when I say I'm loath to disengage from my life's purpose even without my master's presence, but I've managed to stay my hand except against our oppressors. You're not abandoning your obligations by not killing your fellow prisoners, here. You're taking an opportunity to escape the block that's been placed before you by working to overthrow that which shackles us.
I recognise that. It doesn't make it any easier, particularly as I'm not sure the Church, nor God would agree. I killed Maxwell for my faith, and letting these beings live, after that sacrifice - there's an incredible amount of instinctive hostility I have to overcome every time I encounter something that would be considered an affront to God.
I don't suppose there's much I can do about it, except hope it'll get easier as time progresses. But until then, I wouldn't expect things to go as smoothly as you would like.
[There's some degree of trust in telling Alucard all of this. After the debacle in his room, it comes just a little easier.]
Perhaps not, but God also forgives sinners their transgressions with proper penance, and no man is without sin. But penance can't come before the work is done. There's also the matter of none of this being your choice. With no option but to bend, what could possibly come later but absolution? What other option is there save to die over and over uselessly? I agree you have to get over that hostility somehow, though. Think on--it's not the manner of being that makes the person deserving or not, but their actions. Take those born into vampirism. They never asked for it.
[ a noise that's a verbal shrug. ]
Look, just... keep trying. I know it's difficult. I don't expect a smooth transition. I know better than that.
I very much doubt I would be dying 'over and over', unless you intend that to be symbolic for something. Which I don't expect would happen either, even if this place is testing me.
But I understand what you're saying, and I'll give it due consideration. And you'll be kept... [He pauses, looking for the right word.] Informed.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[ he sounds fond. ]
There's a reason I'd follow her to the ends of the earth, Father.
[ then: ]
You know that's beside the point.
no subject
[There's a long pause, and then he lets out another long, low sigh.]
You should understand better than anyone why it isn't easy for me to abandon my obligations to God and the Church. I've spent my life taking instruction from the Church; you've spent a considerable amount of it taking instruction from Hellsing, and I've not spent more than ten minutes in a vampires presence - except yours and Miss Victoria - without killing it as a consequence. But believe me, I am trying here.
no subject
[ he doesn't expect what anderson says next, and he's quiet a moment in response to it because he doesn't know what to say. when he does answer, his tone is even. ]
I do understand. And trust me when I say I'm loath to disengage from my life's purpose even without my master's presence, but I've managed to stay my hand except against our oppressors. You're not abandoning your obligations by not killing your fellow prisoners, here. You're taking an opportunity to escape the block that's been placed before you by working to overthrow that which shackles us.
[ a beat. ]
Then we can both go back to killing vampires.
no subject
I don't suppose there's much I can do about it, except hope it'll get easier as time progresses. But until then, I wouldn't expect things to go as smoothly as you would like.
[There's some degree of trust in telling Alucard all of this. After the debacle in his room, it comes just a little easier.]
no subject
[ a noise that's a verbal shrug. ]
Look, just... keep trying. I know it's difficult. I don't expect a smooth transition. I know better than that.
no subject
But I understand what you're saying, and I'll give it due consideration. And you'll be kept... [He pauses, looking for the right word.] Informed.
no subject
[ he sighs, acquiescing for now. ]
I appreciate it. At least you're forthcoming. [ no shame. ]