[After a moments hesitation, he steps into the space Alucard provides, not heading into the depths of his apartment yet, but standing beside him. For what purpose, exactly, he isn't sure, but he's here now, so he's going to have to think of something.
After a few moments pause, he clears his throat and gestures to the couch.]
Sit with Baskerville.
[He finally steps past him, making his way toward the kitchen. Alucard has cooked for him a few times since he's been here, so he'll return the favour. Make him something palatable. With enough blood, he's sure Alucard can eat most things.
The moment Alucard is seated, he'll start rifling through the cupboards for ingredients.]
I'm afraid I don't feel up to being my usual impeccable host.
[ he says it like it's a joke, sort of, but the fact remains that he usually IS a very good host, despite everything. anderson is fully aware now that his depression is in full swing, so there's no sense pretending.
he's surprised by the command but nods, shifting to curl up on one of the cushions and draw baskerville into his lap for pets. the dog is, thankfully, in that damage-control mode that dogs get when their owners are sad, so he just sits in his lap wagging his tail and watching anderson in the kitchen.
as for alucard's cupboards they're surprisingly well-stocked, as though he wants to always be prepared in case someone comes by--he entertains diva a lot, and has human guests as well, on top of having had anderson living with him for a week, so perhaps it makes sense.
in the fridge there are his blood supplies, a stack of several bags sequestered to one of the drawers away from anything that humans would consume.
[He'll make pancakes. The thin, crispy kind one finds in Italy, since he considers them far superior to the pancakes commonly served in England. It only takes ten, perhaps fifteen minutes for him to whip a few up, so Alucard won't be waiting long. He puts the kettle on while preparing the batter and glances periodically at his host. There's silence between them, at the moment... but it's not a tense sort of silence, really. Just solemn.
He makes six pancakes in total; three for him, and three for Alucard, and carries the plates over to the coffee table along with two coffees and necessary cutlery. Before seating himself next to Alucard, he gently removes Baskerville and replaces him with a plate of pink pancakes.]
These were a common request at the orphanage. Apparently I'm the only one who could make them just right. I suspect it had something to do with me being more liberal with the chocolate drizzle.
[Alucard's chocolate, of course, has blood mixed into it.]
[ alucard alternates between petting the dog and watching anderson: it's a lot to think about, but the silence between them isn't bad. it's the kind of silence he needs right now. it's not until the priest comes over with food and coffee that he moves much, letting anderson take baskerville off his lap--the dog whining but allowing himself to be moved, albeit sulkily--and then kind of... staring at the pancakes a moment like they're an alien creature having taken up residence in his lap.
he gets it. he does. he just doesn't know why.
but anderson speaking lets him just nod a little, lips quirking into an attempt at a smile at least as he cuts off a piece from his stack and spears it with his fork, taking a bite and chewing thoughtfully as he scoots back a little further into the cushions. ]
Well, they're not wrong. [ he says it with a curious softness, then glances over at him. ]
They're good.
[ comforting, in a way. a surprising way. still, blood and chocolate pancakes are good either way. ]
[They're both a little confused, at current. But hey, pancakes; everyone likes those, right? Anderson certainly makes quick work of his first one, since he hasn't eaten much decent food lately. He was a little spoilt while living with Alucard, honestly; the food in the Down in comparatively awful.]
I'm glad you approve. I thought the blood might ruin the recipe.
[For a long moment, all he does it regard Alucard quietly while eating his food. And then he speaks again.]
[ alucard definitely likes pancakes. especially these ones. they're better than his, but he's not going to say that out loud. as for anderson's continued access to food, alucard wouldn't mind giving him access to his kitchen either, but that's another thing to be confused about, right? ]
For someone that doesn't cook with blood, I don't see any problems with them.
[ he eats a little more, trying to avoid thinking about what he knows is coming. and when it does he looks away, down, shoulders hunching a little uncomfortably. he doesn't answer for a long time, shoving another bite of pancake into his mouth so that he can think about it for a while.
[Neither the silence, nor the answer surprise him. Alucard's from the fifteenth century. People tended to use death and torture as a method of dealing with mental illness back then, and it's unlikely he's up to date on current methods.]
You've already started, technically. You're talking about it. Continue along that line.
[He forks more pancake into his mouth, chewing and swallowing.]
Do you have a preference for who to talk to?
[If it's a medical professional, well, he's vaguely aware of one therapist in Duplicity.]
[ he feels small, sitting here, even though he hasn't changed his size at all. it's a bit like being flayed open, to have been caught out genuinely sad. he'd prefer the flaying, honestly.
he shakes his head though, frowning. ]
No. I just... I don't think it's guilt, but the idea of dumping my problems on someone else just feels unpalatable. Six centuries is a lot of time to have problems, and we both know I'm full of them.
[He doesn't want Alucard to be sad. There's no satisfaction in it. This isn't the sort of suffering he can revel in, and coming from Alucard, someone he's perhaps too close to, and understands perhaps too well, it's especially unpleasant.]
Don't we just. But we have plenty of time here, and you have people willing to listen. You'll recognise eventually that they want to listen to you. It won't be 'dumping' or 'unpalatable' from their perspective.
[Having finished his food, he places his plate on the coffee table, folding his hands in his lap.]
I doubt it's pleasant talking to me, specifically, about this, but frankly, most of the other advice you received was awful.
The only people that want to hear about Vlad the Impaler's problems are probably sociopaths.
[ he knows that's not what anderson meant, but he's being sullen and unreasonable. he sighs, finishing a couple more bites before he looks over at him again. ]
I don't know, at least you kind of get it. Usually I get over my depression by killing vampires, or nazis, or nazi vampires, but that's not really feasible here, not with the bigger problems at hand.
[ he huffs a laugh, tipping his head forward. ]
It really was bad, huh? At the very least not suiting.
[ finally he... sort of does a weird shrug, shoving the last bite of pancake into his mouth and setting the plate aside. ]
I don't want to go home. I hate this place, but I don't want to go home either. If I could go home until Integra dies and then leave again, I would. I already--explained what's going to happen to me. I don't think it's unreasonable to be upset about that.
[Anderson gives him a look. But he won't comment, since Alucard proceeds speak with sincerity.]
All going well, you'll be going to perdition instead of anywhere else. I'll be at your heels wherever you go, vampire. If back to our world... I'm not sure how that works, exactly; would I create an alternate timeline or simply show up thirty years after my death? The girls would have a heart attack. And they'd be old enough to have one at that stage, too.
[He folds his arms and leans back into the couch, frowning at Alucard.]
The point being, I've no intention of letting you so much as see the government.
Perhaps it would create an alternate timeline. I'm not sure. If you just showed up... The kids aren't that old. Most humans that have heart attacks are older than that, right? It'd be a little weird though, all things considered. Right back from the dead.
[ half-teasing. ]
It'd be a disappointing fight for you, the way I am now. You really in it for disappointing mercy killings? There's no one to release my last seals, here. Nor do I have any of my old souls.
[ he quiets, kind of thoughtful, before he speaks again. ]
Everyone wants me to live. I don't understand why. I've been thinking about my seals here, though. Maybe... If they were broken, I could... somehow bypass the rest of it. What's keeping me alive.
Regardless of your state, I'd expect you to make it a proper fight, as I was prepared to do for you.
[He turns to Alucard, pressing a finger to his chest, against his sternum, and looking irate.]
'Disappointing mercy killings' - don't give me that. My last memory before arriving here was of being brought to my knees before you, bleeding and panting, while you laughed from behind your horde and asked me if I was a dog. I was still prepared to get up and face you, and you were prepared to take me on, take on a man on the brink of death, who had nothing. You can be sure I won't remember you as a beloved nemesis if you give me any less than I was prepared to give you.
[With his peace said, he draws back, returning his hand to his lap.]
If you think there's even a slight chance of being able to break the seals, then pursue it. Either way, Alucard. But don't even think of killing yourself, or letting yourself be killed.
[After a pause, he adds:] You said you wanted to return home for Integra, until she dies. The same thing applies to why people want to keep you around. It doesn't change the ultimate outcome, but they're entitled to their feelings, and I hope you'll come to understand why they have them.
Oh, I'd always make it a proper fight. Just try not to be too put out that some of my bells and whistles are gone. I used a lot up on that, you know. On you. Poured everything I had into it. Literally.
[ he lets out a rough laugh at the memory now, at the way anderson is mad at him, and he presses forward, lids lowered and pupils blown. ]
But you had help after that, as I remember, and ruined everything. Fight me at your human best, father, and I'll show you what a good monster I can still be.
[ his teeth are so sharp. he knows the priest isn't afraid of him. still, he leans in, dangerously close, practically pressing their foreheads together, before he settles back. ]
It'll just be more fun without the seals. Maybe I should start collecting the souls of our captors too, give you something to slice through when we fight. Two birds with one stone, don't you think? Less of them, more of me.
[ he finally settles down a bit after that though, manic smile fading as he settles back and waves a hand slightly. ]
Nonsense. They don't love me like that. They don't need me like that. She's all I have. If they like me that much, they need better taste.
[ but people do like him, here. and it's weird. he doesn't know what to do with it. ]
[There's one way to deal with Alucard's depression: talk about fighting him. He seems downright delighted about it. Anderson can't much help the way his own lips curl at the promise of receiving Alucard's all.
And he sure isn't going to complain about those missing bells and whistles if he's the reason Alucard ended up losing them.]
You can hold me to that, and vice versa.
[Ah, the good 'ol 'get really close to your enemies face' trick. He too enjoys this move. Just ask Integra.]
You know how I feel about your collecting souls. But if you don't have any- [He twists his lips.] If you're empty, then you couldn't possibly build up the same army you had prior to here. I could overlook some, particularly for the purpose of them being used during the rebellion. They're a valuable resource. No need to restrict their use to me.
[He can't help but look a little offended when Alucard says Integra's all he has. He's literally sitting right here.]
Integra's your master. I don't think anyone should be extending you the 'love' or 'need' she had for you. But they do seem to like you, perhaps even love you, and considering they want to you live, I've no doubt they need you, so you've more than you believe. There's no accounting for taste, but there it is.
[ alucard really is always happy about a fight, and doubly so when he knows it will be good. which it will be, with anderson, and now he's thinking about it, a little jittery just from anticipation. they're not going to duke it out in his apartment, naturally, but now he's just aching for a showdown.
then he hums, easily, looking pleased with himself. ]
They don't have native vampires, here. They have nothing like me, or my souls. It'd be fun to have some ammunition for rebellion that's me and not just ghouls, really. I just want to turn them against themselves. It's so satisfying.
[ HE'S KINDA INTO IT... SORRY. also he means back home!!! you're dead in the future, bucko. here in the city, you definitely count. ]
Someone needs to stage an intervention.
[ everyone here that likes alucard needs to go to time out. ]
I thought I got rid of emotions. That was a lie. They'll never really go away.
[Ever the war monger. But it's okay; Anderson is into it, in this instance.]
Can't say I wouldn't find it satisfying myself. Give'm a taste of hell. They've earned it, just as the Major's freaks earned their messy ends.
[He has to roll his eyes a little at that.]
Sounds like you're gunning to do it yourself. If they've come to like you for your personality, I don't think anything is going to dissuade him at this point. Best not to try. [He says this mildly.] And you did utterly fail to turn yourself into a husk, despite your best efforts.
[His thoughts flitter to the nail, and he threads his fingers in his lap, frowning down at them. Why the nail elicited such horror and grief in Alucard - it becomes more apparent every time they speak.]
I though they did go away. But you're evidence to the contrary. And now you're going to deal with that instead of running. [He didn't let Anderson run, and Anderson won't let him run.]
[ he runs his tongue over his teeth slowly, thinking about it. ]
When they recognize who they're fighting, I mean. I'm not going to hold my breath thinking that all of them know each other, but it's a nice thought. Perhaps in the end this is a better idea than the ghouls. This way they'll take up far less storage.
[ he's actually been avoiding soaking up souls from his kills, but maybe for this, it's the better decision.
then he sighs. ]
I opened a conversation with the whole tyrant thing, assuming it to be a deterrant, an admonishment, but it was the opposite. He thought it was cool. Not that I'm complaining about being called cool, but really, bad taste. I wonder if he thinks other villains are cool.
[ alucard did not manage to turn himself into a husk, anderson is right. he knows the other man is thinking about the nail, too, from his stance and behavior, but...
he huffs a laugh, barely audible, and tips back into the cushions. ]
I have until you kill me to deal with it, definitely. I hate it.
Seems there's no downside to this recourse. Other than my not entirely approving, but I'd otherwise revel in their faces.
[His lips curl, but he wrenches enough control over himself to stop smiling by the time he resumes looking at Alucard.]
I doubt they would be calling it 'cool' if they'd seen it first hand. Your tyranny is distant history for them, or it might not be part of their history at all. It's easy to look at it as if it's fiction, the sort of thing one can call 'cool' without guilt. It's terrible taste. But these people don't know better. They're naive.
And they like you, so they're likely more willing to separate who you were from who you are.
[Clearly Anderson doesn't approve, so... should he ever need judgement, Anderson's available.
But he's quiet a moment, considering.]
...I think about how our fight might have gone, sometimes - [Often.] and I could have killed you with that nail. I know I could have. And you fought valiantly against me, despite this. I could have killed you, and your burdens would have become mine.
[He regards Alucard with arched brows.]
That you still fought me to the death says something about your current quality of character. I recognise it. That's - [He waves a hand dismissively.] all I wanted to say.
I don't technically need to eat very often, but I will say this place makes me ravenous for it. Normally I get it on missions, but...
[ he's talking true devouring: he's fine with blood bags, obviously, for his nutrition intake, but actually biting people is a rare treat. at least their enemies are mutual, here. ]
The one thing they haven't taken from me yet is my teeth. Though they did muzzle me a couple of times, they're easy enough to get off. All you need is someone with a hairpin.
[ then he nods, grimacing. ]
Adrian, Trevor, and Sypha were all alive when I was. [ a beat. ] I don't think Sypha likes me much, but that said, because they know what it is, they treat it with the gravity it deserves. As for the people that like it, I can only hope it's from naivete. I'm afraid there are too many people like me here.
[ he listens to anderson speak, expression doing a strange twist before it settles again. when he speaks, it's low. ]
When a monster kills another monster, it simply takes that monster's place. There's still a monster left behind, no matter its origin. And there's no escaping it, that life.
[A human with teeth. At some point they're going to need to figure out how LIES manages to depower them and counteract it. An assault won't be worth much if they're rendered as weak as your standard human before they can make any progress.
He listens while Alucard speaks, eyeing him and continuing to drum his fingers.]
Don't I? It's what I wanted.
[Not that life, perhaps - but to destroy himself, rid himself of personhood. They were both willing to make that decision; the only difference is that Alucard didn't have anyone present to extend him mercy.
With a sigh, he leans over the coffee table, retrieving Alucard's coffee and pressing it into his hands.]
I haven't any idea who these people you mention are, but if they recognise your history for what it is and still elect to spend time with you, then they're genuine companions, in a way most people here can't be. Perhaps they should be one of the people you go to to speak about this.
[ it unsettles him, to know they can do it to him. to know they can make other vampires entirely human as well, but didn't do that to him. why the difference? perhaps he'll never understand. he wants to, in order to usurp it. the thought of them changing their minds though, and making him human... that worries him. frightens him, to an extent. ]
Is what one wants always what they deserve? Surely not.
[ alucard and anderson really are so similar, aren't they? giving up their personhood and all.
if only there had been mercy for alucard before it was too late. he hangs on anderson's promise, though he still doesn't believe it will work.
the coffee startles him but he grasps it, taking a drink as anderson speaks and shrugging. ]
Adrian is... well, not my son, but in another world he would be. The others are from the same world as him, and know a Dracula just as terrible as me. Perhaps you're right, though. The similarity in timeline, their first-hand experience with someone like me, might help.
I'll probably keep it from Sypha that I impaled people while we were in that camp, though. Probably for the best she doesn't know.
I don't know. But if you believe that, then you must apply it to yourself.
[Alucard has made a lot of mistakes in his life, hurt a lot of people. But that doesn't make all his suffering justified.
He sips his own coffee while Alucard is explaining the origin of his companions.]
A Dracula. The thought that there are several of you throughout the universe makes me very tired. But they do sound suitable people to go to. Especially that son of yours, even if he isn't technically of your blood. Who would know you better? Or a version of you, at least.
And I'd try not to mention that in polite company, honestly. People are going to start thinking you have a thing for it. You know... [He waves a hand, like this should explain exactly what he's trying to say.] A thing. For impaling.
[ MMMM SOUNDS FAKE but he's just going to hum noncommittally about that, not in the mood to really argue it. fine. you win this round. kind of.
then he huffs a laugh. ]
It is weird. Imagine if there were more of me here? I've thought about that and I can't tell if that unsettles me. Is it fair to hate another version of me just because I hate myself? That's too much deep thinking. Hopefully none will ever show up.
[ is anderson trying to say people are going to think he has an impalement kink? oh my god? this is precious. he snorts though, taking another drink of his coffee. ]
I don't have a kink for impaling people. It's a message, for God's sake. I suppose I could see how people could get the misconception, but honestly. I mean, it's fun, and I enjoy it, but in this situation it was practical. They needed to see that even taking away our strength, they weren't safe.
I'd prefer not to imagine it, thank you. Being stuck here with one is enough. And hating them would be fair, I'd say. Who wants a constant reminder of how much of an ass they were? Well. Still are, in your case, but you're applying some moderation to it that you didn't achieve as a younger man.
[Look! He's doing! His best!!]
Don't take the Lord's name in vain, vampire. [Getting that out the way first.] It doesn't sound practical to me. It sounds like a needlessly complicated method of sending a message when you could have simply left the corpses and achieved the same result. A waste of time, and a waste of resources, and you know, if LIES had happened to have a file on you that included your former name, it would have completely ruined your efforts. There was nothing practical about it.
[He wags a disapproving finger at Alucard.]
I'm sure you were too busy being excited by the idea of impaling people to consider any of that.
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no subject
[After a moments hesitation, he steps into the space Alucard provides, not heading into the depths of his apartment yet, but standing beside him. For what purpose, exactly, he isn't sure, but he's here now, so he's going to have to think of something.
After a few moments pause, he clears his throat and gestures to the couch.]
Sit with Baskerville.
[He finally steps past him, making his way toward the kitchen. Alucard has cooked for him a few times since he's been here, so he'll return the favour. Make him something palatable. With enough blood, he's sure Alucard can eat most things.
The moment Alucard is seated, he'll start rifling through the cupboards for ingredients.]
no subject
[ he says it like it's a joke, sort of, but the fact remains that he usually IS a very good host, despite everything. anderson is fully aware now that his depression is in full swing, so there's no sense pretending.
he's surprised by the command but nods, shifting to curl up on one of the cushions and draw baskerville into his lap for pets. the dog is, thankfully, in that damage-control mode that dogs get when their owners are sad, so he just sits in his lap wagging his tail and watching anderson in the kitchen.
as for alucard's cupboards they're surprisingly well-stocked, as though he wants to always be prepared in case someone comes by--he entertains diva a lot, and has human guests as well, on top of having had anderson living with him for a week, so perhaps it makes sense.
in the fridge there are his blood supplies, a stack of several bags sequestered to one of the drawers away from anything that humans would consume.
very polite. ]
no subject
He makes six pancakes in total; three for him, and three for Alucard, and carries the plates over to the coffee table along with two coffees and necessary cutlery. Before seating himself next to Alucard, he gently removes Baskerville and replaces him with a plate of pink pancakes.]
These were a common request at the orphanage. Apparently I'm the only one who could make them just right. I suspect it had something to do with me being more liberal with the chocolate drizzle.
[Alucard's chocolate, of course, has blood mixed into it.]
no subject
he gets it. he does. he just doesn't know why.
but anderson speaking lets him just nod a little, lips quirking into an attempt at a smile at least as he cuts off a piece from his stack and spears it with his fork, taking a bite and chewing thoughtfully as he scoots back a little further into the cushions. ]
Well, they're not wrong. [ he says it with a curious softness, then glances over at him. ]
They're good.
[ comforting, in a way. a surprising way. still, blood and chocolate pancakes are good either way. ]
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I'm glad you approve. I thought the blood might ruin the recipe.
[For a long moment, all he does it regard Alucard quietly while eating his food. And then he speaks again.]
Are you going to take my advice?
[They had to broach the topic eventually.]
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For someone that doesn't cook with blood, I don't see any problems with them.
[ he eats a little more, trying to avoid thinking about what he knows is coming. and when it does he looks away, down, shoulders hunching a little uncomfortably. he doesn't answer for a long time, shoving another bite of pancake into his mouth so that he can think about it for a while.
then: ]
I wouldn't even know where to start.
no subject
You've already started, technically. You're talking about it. Continue along that line.
[He forks more pancake into his mouth, chewing and swallowing.]
Do you have a preference for who to talk to?
[If it's a medical professional, well, he's vaguely aware of one therapist in Duplicity.]
no subject
he shakes his head though, frowning. ]
No. I just... I don't think it's guilt, but the idea of dumping my problems on someone else just feels unpalatable. Six centuries is a lot of time to have problems, and we both know I'm full of them.
no subject
Don't we just. But we have plenty of time here, and you have people willing to listen. You'll recognise eventually that they want to listen to you. It won't be 'dumping' or 'unpalatable' from their perspective.
[Having finished his food, he places his plate on the coffee table, folding his hands in his lap.]
I doubt it's pleasant talking to me, specifically, about this, but frankly, most of the other advice you received was awful.
no subject
[ he knows that's not what anderson meant, but he's being sullen and unreasonable. he sighs, finishing a couple more bites before he looks over at him again. ]
I don't know, at least you kind of get it. Usually I get over my depression by killing vampires, or nazis, or nazi vampires, but that's not really feasible here, not with the bigger problems at hand.
[ he huffs a laugh, tipping his head forward. ]
It really was bad, huh? At the very least not suiting.
[ finally he... sort of does a weird shrug, shoving the last bite of pancake into his mouth and setting the plate aside. ]
I don't want to go home. I hate this place, but I don't want to go home either. If I could go home until Integra dies and then leave again, I would. I already--explained what's going to happen to me. I don't think it's unreasonable to be upset about that.
no subject
All going well, you'll be going to perdition instead of anywhere else. I'll be at your heels wherever you go, vampire. If back to our world... I'm not sure how that works, exactly; would I create an alternate timeline or simply show up thirty years after my death? The girls would have a heart attack. And they'd be old enough to have one at that stage, too.
[He folds his arms and leans back into the couch, frowning at Alucard.]
The point being, I've no intention of letting you so much as see the government.
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[ half-teasing. ]
It'd be a disappointing fight for you, the way I am now. You really in it for disappointing mercy killings? There's no one to release my last seals, here. Nor do I have any of my old souls.
[ he quiets, kind of thoughtful, before he speaks again. ]
Everyone wants me to live. I don't understand why. I've been thinking about my seals here, though. Maybe... If they were broken, I could... somehow bypass the rest of it. What's keeping me alive.
[ that's a dangerous line of thought. ]
no subject
[He turns to Alucard, pressing a finger to his chest, against his sternum, and looking irate.]
'Disappointing mercy killings' - don't give me that. My last memory before arriving here was of being brought to my knees before you, bleeding and panting, while you laughed from behind your horde and asked me if I was a dog. I was still prepared to get up and face you, and you were prepared to take me on, take on a man on the brink of death, who had nothing. You can be sure I won't remember you as a beloved nemesis if you give me any less than I was prepared to give you.
[With his peace said, he draws back, returning his hand to his lap.]
If you think there's even a slight chance of being able to break the seals, then pursue it. Either way, Alucard. But don't even think of killing yourself, or letting yourself be killed.
[After a pause, he adds:] You said you wanted to return home for Integra, until she dies. The same thing applies to why people want to keep you around. It doesn't change the ultimate outcome, but they're entitled to their feelings, and I hope you'll come to understand why they have them.
no subject
[ he lets out a rough laugh at the memory now, at the way anderson is mad at him, and he presses forward, lids lowered and pupils blown. ]
But you had help after that, as I remember, and ruined everything. Fight me at your human best, father, and I'll show you what a good monster I can still be.
[ his teeth are so sharp. he knows the priest isn't afraid of him. still, he leans in, dangerously close, practically pressing their foreheads together, before he settles back. ]
It'll just be more fun without the seals. Maybe I should start collecting the souls of our captors too, give you something to slice through when we fight. Two birds with one stone, don't you think? Less of them, more of me.
[ he finally settles down a bit after that though, manic smile fading as he settles back and waves a hand slightly. ]
Nonsense. They don't love me like that. They don't need me like that. She's all I have. If they like me that much, they need better taste.
[ but people do like him, here. and it's weird. he doesn't know what to do with it. ]
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And he sure isn't going to complain about those missing bells and whistles if he's the reason Alucard ended up losing them.]
You can hold me to that, and vice versa.
[Ah, the good 'ol 'get really close to your enemies face' trick. He too enjoys this move. Just ask Integra.]
You know how I feel about your collecting souls. But if you don't have any- [He twists his lips.] If you're empty, then you couldn't possibly build up the same army you had prior to here. I could overlook some, particularly for the purpose of them being used during the rebellion. They're a valuable resource. No need to restrict their use to me.
[He can't help but look a little offended when Alucard says Integra's all he has. He's literally sitting right here.]
Integra's your master. I don't think anyone should be extending you the 'love' or 'need' she had for you. But they do seem to like you, perhaps even love you, and considering they want to you live, I've no doubt they need you, so you've more than you believe. There's no accounting for taste, but there it is.
no subject
then he hums, easily, looking pleased with himself. ]
They don't have native vampires, here. They have nothing like me, or my souls. It'd be fun to have some ammunition for rebellion that's me and not just ghouls, really. I just want to turn them against themselves. It's so satisfying.
[ HE'S KINDA INTO IT... SORRY. also he means back home!!! you're dead in the future, bucko. here in the city, you definitely count. ]
Someone needs to stage an intervention.
[ everyone here that likes alucard needs to go to time out. ]
I thought I got rid of emotions. That was a lie. They'll never really go away.
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Can't say I wouldn't find it satisfying myself. Give'm a taste of hell. They've earned it, just as the Major's freaks earned their messy ends.
[He has to roll his eyes a little at that.]
Sounds like you're gunning to do it yourself. If they've come to like you for your personality, I don't think anything is going to dissuade him at this point. Best not to try. [He says this mildly.] And you did utterly fail to turn yourself into a husk, despite your best efforts.
[His thoughts flitter to the nail, and he threads his fingers in his lap, frowning down at them. Why the nail elicited such horror and grief in Alucard - it becomes more apparent every time they speak.]
I though they did go away. But you're evidence to the contrary. And now you're going to deal with that instead of running. [He didn't let Anderson run, and Anderson won't let him run.]
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[ he runs his tongue over his teeth slowly, thinking about it. ]
When they recognize who they're fighting, I mean. I'm not going to hold my breath thinking that all of them know each other, but it's a nice thought. Perhaps in the end this is a better idea than the ghouls. This way they'll take up far less storage.
[ he's actually been avoiding soaking up souls from his kills, but maybe for this, it's the better decision.
then he sighs. ]
I opened a conversation with the whole tyrant thing, assuming it to be a deterrant, an admonishment, but it was the opposite. He thought it was cool. Not that I'm complaining about being called cool, but really, bad taste. I wonder if he thinks other villains are cool.
[ alucard did not manage to turn himself into a husk, anderson is right. he knows the other man is thinking about the nail, too, from his stance and behavior, but...
he huffs a laugh, barely audible, and tips back into the cushions. ]
I have until you kill me to deal with it, definitely. I hate it.
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[His lips curl, but he wrenches enough control over himself to stop smiling by the time he resumes looking at Alucard.]
I doubt they would be calling it 'cool' if they'd seen it first hand. Your tyranny is distant history for them, or it might not be part of their history at all. It's easy to look at it as if it's fiction, the sort of thing one can call 'cool' without guilt. It's terrible taste. But these people don't know better. They're naive.
And they like you, so they're likely more willing to separate who you were from who you are.
[Clearly Anderson doesn't approve, so... should he ever need judgement, Anderson's available.
But he's quiet a moment, considering.]
...I think about how our fight might have gone, sometimes - [Often.] and I could have killed you with that nail. I know I could have. And you fought valiantly against me, despite this. I could have killed you, and your burdens would have become mine.
[He regards Alucard with arched brows.]
That you still fought me to the death says something about your current quality of character. I recognise it. That's - [He waves a hand dismissively.] all I wanted to say.
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[ he's talking true devouring: he's fine with blood bags, obviously, for his nutrition intake, but actually biting people is a rare treat. at least their enemies are mutual, here. ]
The one thing they haven't taken from me yet is my teeth. Though they did muzzle me a couple of times, they're easy enough to get off. All you need is someone with a hairpin.
[ then he nods, grimacing. ]
Adrian, Trevor, and Sypha were all alive when I was. [ a beat. ] I don't think Sypha likes me much, but that said, because they know what it is, they treat it with the gravity it deserves. As for the people that like it, I can only hope it's from naivete. I'm afraid there are too many people like me here.
[ he listens to anderson speak, expression doing a strange twist before it settles again. when he speaks, it's low. ]
When a monster kills another monster, it simply takes that monster's place. There's still a monster left behind, no matter its origin. And there's no escaping it, that life.
[ he shrugs. ]
You don't deserve that burden.
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He listens while Alucard speaks, eyeing him and continuing to drum his fingers.]
Don't I? It's what I wanted.
[Not that life, perhaps - but to destroy himself, rid himself of personhood. They were both willing to make that decision; the only difference is that Alucard didn't have anyone present to extend him mercy.
With a sigh, he leans over the coffee table, retrieving Alucard's coffee and pressing it into his hands.]
I haven't any idea who these people you mention are, but if they recognise your history for what it is and still elect to spend time with you, then they're genuine companions, in a way most people here can't be. Perhaps they should be one of the people you go to to speak about this.
Now drink your coffee. It's getting cold.
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Is what one wants always what they deserve? Surely not.
[ alucard and anderson really are so similar, aren't they? giving up their personhood and all.
if only there had been mercy for alucard before it was too late. he hangs on anderson's promise, though he still doesn't believe it will work.
the coffee startles him but he grasps it, taking a drink as anderson speaks and shrugging. ]
Adrian is... well, not my son, but in another world he would be. The others are from the same world as him, and know a Dracula just as terrible as me. Perhaps you're right, though. The similarity in timeline, their first-hand experience with someone like me, might help.
I'll probably keep it from Sypha that I impaled people while we were in that camp, though. Probably for the best she doesn't know.
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[Alucard has made a lot of mistakes in his life, hurt a lot of people. But that doesn't make all his suffering justified.
He sips his own coffee while Alucard is explaining the origin of his companions.]
A Dracula. The thought that there are several of you throughout the universe makes me very tired. But they do sound suitable people to go to. Especially that son of yours, even if he isn't technically of your blood. Who would know you better? Or a version of you, at least.
And I'd try not to mention that in polite company, honestly. People are going to start thinking you have a thing for it. You know... [He waves a hand, like this should explain exactly what he's trying to say.] A thing. For impaling.
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then he huffs a laugh. ]
It is weird. Imagine if there were more of me here? I've thought about that and I can't tell if that unsettles me. Is it fair to hate another version of me just because I hate myself? That's too much deep thinking. Hopefully none will ever show up.
[ is anderson trying to say people are going to think he has an impalement kink? oh my god? this is precious. he snorts though, taking another drink of his coffee. ]
I don't have a kink for impaling people. It's a message, for God's sake. I suppose I could see how people could get the misconception, but honestly. I mean, it's fun, and I enjoy it, but in this situation it was practical. They needed to see that even taking away our strength, they weren't safe.
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[Look! He's doing! His best!!]
Don't take the Lord's name in vain, vampire. [Getting that out the way first.] It doesn't sound practical to me. It sounds like a needlessly complicated method of sending a message when you could have simply left the corpses and achieved the same result. A waste of time, and a waste of resources, and you know, if LIES had happened to have a file on you that included your former name, it would have completely ruined your efforts. There was nothing practical about it.
[He wags a disapproving finger at Alucard.]
I'm sure you were too busy being excited by the idea of impaling people to consider any of that.